Lacking Hospitaliano?

During today's lunch shift at the Olive Garden, I had yet another meltdown in which I lost control of my mental state and totally broke down in a fit of anger and frustration. Many of my fellow employees believed I was weeded (which means, "dealing with too much to handle" in restaurant terminology). The managers assigned me three tables today and I was clearly not ready for it. My experiences today, in my honest belief, go even further than just being frustrated or weeded.

My feeling is that I need to get out the restaurant industry A.S.A.P. before something negative happens. There is no sense in one sticking with a job or position that brings out the irrational side of one's personality and behavior. Insanity has never been, nor will it ever be, a prerequisite for progress and success. I literally blew up at a manager today and started hollering at her. Managers keep telling me that I do not believe in myself and that my lack of confidence is the primary cause of my dilemmas as a server. I disagree with that. I do not lack confidence or self belief. I did not lack either of those when I got a job at the Olive Garden as a server assistant. I firmly believed in myself when I revolutionized bussing and raised the standards for the rest of the server assistants, sending them home with little money because I earning so much of it. I was supremely confident enough to continue my college education through all of the rough times.

One would argue that I am having a difficult time with serving and that is no different than my troubling moments in college. There is a difference between those two scenarios. I liked college from the start; I do not necessarily like serving tables in a restaurant. Afterall, being a server was my last resort for an internship after all of the hotels in the local area failed to give me the necessary time and day. I do not lack confidence. What I do lack is patience and composure. I also have a temper, in addition to an insane alter-ego that occasionally surfaces, whenever I become frustrated from something not resulting in an outcome that is favorable to my interests. As a result of my anger, management cut me and let me go for the rest of the day. In no way, shape, or form was I in any type of stable mentality to continue my duties as a server. I suppose we'll see what happens come Friday (the next day I am scheduled to work).

I pray that I complete this internship before I lose my job as a result of these heated flake outs. If I can keep my head about me for just a little while longer, graduation is just around the corner. Easier said than done. Perhaps the Olive Garden woke up sleeping monster when they granted me this internship opportunity. Telling me I don't believe in myself? That is only going to make matters worse!